Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
