oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
