when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
