Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
