its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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