i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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