today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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