Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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