if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
