I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
