And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
