Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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