Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
