Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
