I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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