yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
