if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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