Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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