I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
