we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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