just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
