Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
