I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
