omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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