Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
