What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
