Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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