Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
