Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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