remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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