Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
