I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ketchup is God's man juice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
