Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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