i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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