My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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