That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
