i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security