Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

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  (443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7
  Replies (8) Good night (4130) Bad night (632)
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  (212): View more from New York

  where am i from again

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  (212): where am i from again http://tfl.nu/9ocs
  Replies (6) Good night (2922) Bad night (545)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden

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  (443): My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden http://tfl.nu/by6o
  Replies (35) Good night (4781) Bad night (1352)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought

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  (816): Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought http://tfl.nu/gjm9
  Replies (9) Good night (648) Bad night (2906)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs

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  (414): Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs http://tfl.nu/ace8
  Replies (3) Good night (1071) Bad night (569)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3226) Bad night (635)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks

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  (218): If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks http://tfl.nu/wfaf
  Replies (6) Good night (1483) Bad night (646)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...

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  (239): His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during... http://tfl.nu/a1a1
  Replies (11) Good night (610) Bad night (2664)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours

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  (215): took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours http://tfl.nu/otx8
  Replies (8) Good night (3201) Bad night (579)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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  (586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0
  Replies (3) Good night (3143) Bad night (474)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom

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  (719): The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/023b
  Replies (4) Good night (513) Bad night (1444)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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  (518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (302)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?

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  (320): So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing? http://tfl.nu/5f4v
  Replies (3) Good night (294) Bad night (172)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point

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  (512): Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point http://tfl.nu/vgyx
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (204)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (140)

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