I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it because I queefed?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...