you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.