Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

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  (269): did you hook up austin? (248): No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed http://tfl.nu/3mnz
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (1432)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

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  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1346) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!

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  (210): ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math! http://tfl.nu/zdim
  Replies (11) Good night (1381) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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  (989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses. http://tfl.nu/7uea
  Replies (60) Good night (602) Bad night (3940)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Since when do you wear a bracelet?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs

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  (508): Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs http://tfl.nu/cgne
  Replies (11) Good night (5719) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

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  (860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot
  Replies (212) Good night (796) Bad night (10535)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.

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  (504): He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life. http://tfl.nu/mz8p
  Replies (7) Good night (3531) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.

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  (555): After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire. http://tfl.nu/pn7x
  Replies (6) Good night (4523) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?

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  (832): You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you? http://tfl.nu/n46m
  Replies (9) Good night (1643) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room

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  (502): Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room http://tfl.nu/pqte
  Replies (3) Good night (900) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.

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  (413): Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/hq06
  Replies (5) Good night (995) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.

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  (570): I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gcag
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.

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  (765): Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times. http://tfl.nu/e7uk
  Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.

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  (270): We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/4qrz
  Replies (5) Good night (240) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag

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  (318): He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag http://tfl.nu/afmg
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (266)

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