thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.