Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
