it was like his penis was on wheels.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.