no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
