4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His nipple licking is glorious
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