like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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