finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
