It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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