First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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