am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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