i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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