Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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