Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
