Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
