He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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