I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
