dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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