his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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