You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
