That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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