Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
