sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
