In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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