Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize