There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
