oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just invented taco cereal.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
