Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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