guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
