Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
