in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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