East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
