We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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