you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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