I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
