8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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