I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
