He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
